Seven years ago I was unknowing at a crossroads in my life, I made a choice to take the route that was to shift my whole world into chaos. It was the start of a reckless, and destructive relationship with Paul Allen. Seven years of living with the scars of mental trauma, with Paul denying, trivialising and distortion our reality.
What I didn’t know is that when Paul messed with my life, he was not messing with one part of my life, he was messing with my entire life, with every thread of my existence, causing my world to implode into disarray. As a result, the last seven years have been volatile, and directionless creating barriers to my ability to consistently engage productively, impacting on the book I am writing on emotional abuse as a Psychological Thriller. I had hoped it would be completed and published by now, but the stranglehold of the ongoing fallout from the relationship hindered my ability to function. Now with the wonderful Sue Leonard who edited my wildly erratic 860 pages down to just under 300 pages, creating a structure, so I am excited to shout out that finally it’s virtually completed. I believe it’s a remarkable story. Not because it happened to me, but because it’s an insidious form of abuse which many women experience, but don’t understand what’s happening to them. Inevitably they are made feel they are the crazy one, that in fact, that they are the abusive partner and isolated from reality.
Indeed, in my case, Paul went out of his way to paint me as ‘the crazy’ one in the relationship. My fear that people would start to believe his narrative, I fought back by writing my story, not to hurt Paul but to protect myself. I started a blog. As the blog developed, the following grew, with extraordinary support and compassion. As a result, strength, and energy flowed back into my mind and body, I no longer felt isolated. I saw my experiences reflected in other women who emerged from the depths of such darkness. I wanted people to see the abuse, to believe it, to have faith in me. I needed them to understand the devastation, to cushion the fall without preconception.
The book written as a Psychological Thriller is foremost about the darker side of human motivation, identity, honesty, determinism, fatalism, sanity, and duplicity. It’s the story of many thousands of people who have lost their clarity, their presence to Emotional Abuse.
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